Letting Go is a Process, Not a One-Time Decision

I used to think that letting go was as simple as making a decision. You tell yourself you’re done, you cut the cord, and you move on. But the truth is, letting go isn’t a single choice, it’s a thousand choices made over and over again. Some days, you wake up feeling free. Other days, the weight of everything you thought you had released comes crashing back. And that’s the part no one warns you about.

Letting go of the person I used was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. That version of me was familiar, even when she wasn’t healthy. She held onto things too tightly, stayed in places she had outgrown, and found safety in cycles that hurt more than they healed. She was a fighter but she was also afraid, afraid of who she’d be without that familiar version of herself.

Letting go may show up as a whisper at first, nudging you toward growth, and when you resist, it gets louder. Until one day, you realize that holding onto the past isn’t making you stronger; it’s keeping you stuck.

Why Letting Go Feels Like Grief

There’s a reason why letting go feels like mourning. The brain processes emotional loss similarly to physical loss. Studies have shown that when we experience heartbreak, rejection, or the loss of something deeply personal, whether it’s a relationship, an identity, or a dream, the same regions of the brain that register physical pain light up (Eisenberger et al., 2003). In a way, we grieve not just people, but past versions of ourselves, and the safety they once provided.

That’s why we find ourselves looking back, even when we know something wasn’t good for us. It’s not weakness, it’s biology. The brain is wired for familiarity. Change, even positive change, can trigger a stress response because it disrupts what we know. This is why old habits resurface, why nostalgia paints the past in a golden hue, and why letting go never happens all at once.

The Myth of Closure

We’re taught that closure is something we need in order to move on. That one final conversation, one last moment of clarity, the perfect goodbye. But closure isn’t something given to us, it’s something we create. And more often than not, it doesn’t look like a clean ending. It looks like accepting the mess, the unfinished chapters, the apologies may never get.

For me, closure wasn’t waking up one day and feeling “over” my past. It was learning to exist alongside the memories without letting them define me. It was allowing myself to feel everything: the anger, the sadness, the relief, without attaching meaning to it. Just because I missed an old version of myself didn’t mean I wanted to go back. Just because I still carried pieces of my past didn’t mean I wasn’t moving forward.

The Process of Letting Go (Again and Again)

So, if letting go isn’t a one-time event, what does it actually look like?

1. Acceptance, Not Erasure – Healing doesn’t mean deleting your past. It means accepting it for what it was without trying to rewrite or relive it. That version of you existed for a reason, but that not who you have to be anymore.

2. Allowing the Feelings to Come and Go – Some days, you’ll feel light and free. Other days, you’ll ache for what was. Both are okay. Letting go isn’t about suppressing emotions; it’s about not being ruled by them.

3. Releasing the Need for Justification – You don’t need permission to move on. You don’t need a dramatic ending or a perfect reason to outgrow people, habits, or beliefs. If it no longer serves you, that’s enough.

4. Trusting That the Future Holds More – The biggest fear of letting go is the fear of emptiness; who am I without this? But space isn’t emptiness, it’s possibility. Growth doesn’t mean abandoning yourself, it means making room for who you are becoming.

   
   

Action Steps to Help You Let Go

If you’re struggling to release something (or someone), here are a few small but powerful steps to help you move forward:

• Write a Letter (That You Don’t Send) – Pour out everything you need to say, whether to your past self, a person, or a chapter of your life. Then, destroy it: rip it up, flush it down the toilet, or throw it away as a symbolic act of release.

• Change Your Environment – Sometimes, we hold onto things simply because we’re surrounded by reminders. Rearranging your space, deleting old texts, or even taking a new route to work can help shift your mindset.

• Create a ‘Letting Go’ Ritual – Letting go doesn’t have to be passive. Light a candle, go on a solo walk, meditate, or create a playlist that represents your transition. Give yourself a tangible way to mark the shift.

• Set Boundaries With Yourself – When the past calls, don’t answer. Unfollow, mute, block, or do whatever you need to do to protect your peace. You are allowed to prioritize your healing.

• Celebrate Small Wins – Did you go a day without overthinking? Did you choose not to react to something triggering? Celebrate that. Letting go happens in the tiny, unglamorous moments. Acknowledge your progress.

  
  

Journal Prompts for Letting Go

You know how much I love journaling, and if you do too, here are some thoughtful prompts to guide your reflection.

1. What is one thing (habit, belief, relationship) I know I need to release but have been resisting?

2. What am I afraid will happen if I fully let go? What might actually happen instead?

3. How has holding onto the past been serving me? What do I gain from releasing it?

4. What would my future self thank me for letting go of today?

5. How can I honour my past without letting it define my present?

6. What does freedom feel like to me? What small step can I take toward it today?

   
   

Be Patient With Yourself

If you’re in the process of letting go, be kind to yourself. There will be moments when you feel like you’ve moved on, and then suddenly, something small like a song, a scent, a familiar road will pull you right back. That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It just means you’re human. Healing isn’t linear, and neither is letting go.

You don’t have to have it all figured out today. You don’t have to be at the finish line yet. Just keep making the choice, again and again, to move forward. Even if it’s slow. Even if you have to grieve a little along the way.

Because one day, you’ll wake up and realize you’re no longer carrying the weight you once thought you’d never be able to set down. And that’s when you’ll know you’ve finally let go.

With love, patience, and endless belief in your growth,

Cathryn Benjamin

Mindset & Life Coach | Yoga Teacher | Wellness Advocate

Follow me on Instagram for tips on living authentically, embracing wellness, and fostering a positive mindset.