What Are Your Core Values (Really)? A Step-By-Step Guide to Discovering What Actually Matters to You

Let’s be real: The phrase "core values" gets thrown around a lot these days. It’s one of those personal growth buzzwords that’s easy to nod along with but harder to actually define for yourself.

You’ve probably heard people say:

• "Live in alignment with your values!"

• "Let your core values guide you!"

• "If it doesn’t align, it’s a no!"

Cool advice. But… what if you don’t know what your core values actually are? Or maybe you’ve chosen values before, but they felt like words picked off a list instead of something deeply yours.

If you’ve ever thought:

• “I have no idea what my core values are.”

• “I’ve done a values exercise before but forgot about it two days later.”

• “This feels like one more ‘personal development’ thing I should do, but I don’t know where to start.”

You’re not alone.

The truth is, most people don’t know what truly matters to them at their core, because no one ever teaches us how to figure it out.

We get swept up in what society says we should value: success, productivity, image, popularity. But those aren’t always the things that light us up or help us sleep well at night.

Why Core Values Matter

Think of your values like your personal GPS. They help you:

• Make better decisions (even when they’re hard)

• Set clearer boundaries

• Understand your purpose

• Feel more confident and grounded in who you are

When you don’t know your values, life can feel like driving in fog. You’re constantly second-guessing yourself or chasing things that don’t actually fulfill you.

So What Are Core Values, Really?

Core values are the deeply held beliefs and principles that guide your actions, decisions, and reactions. They’re not just fluffy words, they’re your non-negotiables for living a life that feels meaningful.

For example:

• If freedom is a core value, you’ll feel stuck or resentful when you’re micromanaged or trapped in obligations.

• If connection is a core value, you’ll feel off when you’re too busy to spend time with loved ones.

How Do You Find Your Core Values?

Let’s ditch the jargon and make this practical. Below is a step-by-step exercise to help you discover your real values, the ones that already live in you, not the ones you think you’re supposed to have.

Step-By-Step: Core Values Clarification Exercise

Step 1: Reflect On Your Life Moments

Grab a journal, your Notes app, or just get comfy and think about the following:

1. A Time You Felt Truly Alive and Fulfilled

• What were you doing?

• Who were you with?

• What made the moment so special?

These moments usually highlight what you value most.

2. A Time You Felt Upset or Frustrated

• What happened?

• What did that situation violate for you? (Trust, respect, fairness?)

Sometimes our values get revealed in the moments we’re angry or hurt, because something we care about has been crossed.

3. When Do You Feel Most Like You?

Think of a time when you felt authentic, present, and proud of who you were. What values were you honouring in that moment?

4. Who Do You Admire?

Make a quick list of people you look up to. What do they stand for? Often, the qualities we admire in others reflect our own core values.

5. What Legacy Do You Want to Leave Behind?

If someone was writing your eulogy (morbid but helpful), what do you hope they’d say about you?

This taps into your deepest values about life, love, and contribution.

Step 2: Browse a Values List

Look through this sample list of values. Highlight or circle any that stand out. Don’t overthink it! This is your brainstorming round.

Sample Values List:

• Authenticity

• Adventure

• Balance

• Bravery

• Compassion

• Creativity

• Family

• Freedom

• Generosity

• Growth

• Honesty

• Humour

• Integrity

• Justice

• Kindness

• Leadership

• Learning

• Love

• Loyalty

• Peace

• Resilience

• Security

• Service

• Spirituality

• Strength

• Wisdom

(Feel free to add your own words, this list is just a starting point.)

Step 3: Narrow It Down

Here’s where the magic happens:

• Star your Top 10 values from the list you created.

• Then, cut that list down to 5.

Yes, just 5. This forces you to get honest about what’s most important right now. (Your values can evolve over time.)

Step 4: Define Your Values in Your Own Words

This is key! Don’t just pick “freedom” and move on. Write down what each value means to you.

Example:

• Freedom: “The ability to make my own choices without guilt. Feeling like I can live life on my terms.”

Your definition should feel personal, real, and something you’d actually say, not like a corporate mission statement.

Step 5: Check Your Alignment

Now ask yourself:

• Am I currently living in alignment with these values?

• Where am I honouring them?

• Where am I falling short (and why)?

• What small action could I take this week to get closer to living my values?

Example:

If one of your values is connection, and you’ve been too busy to call your best friend, maybe your action is: “Text them right now and set up a coffee date.”

Step 6 (Optional): Create a Personal Values Statement

This is like your life’s mission cheat sheet. Here’s an example:

"I commit to living with authenticity, compassion, growth, freedom, and connection. These values guide my choices and help me create a life that feels true to who I am."

You can write yours on a sticky note, phone wallpaper, or journal page as a daily reminder.

Why This Exercise Matters

When you get clear on your values, life gets simpler; not easier, but clearer.

• Decisions become less about “what will people think?” and more about “what feels right for me?”

• Boundaries become easier to set because you’re protecting what matters.

• Your life feels more aligned, more you, and less like you’re living someone else’s script.

  
  

Final Thought

Knowing your core values isn’t about perfection, it’s about awareness. Values aren’t something you have to get right; they’re something you get to live into, evolve, and explore. So go ahead, ditch the buzzword overwhelm and get curious about what actually matters to you.

Rooting for you always,

Cathryn Benjamin-Brodt

Mindset & Life Coach | Yoga Teacher | Wellness Advocate

Helping you come home to yourself—one breath, one belief, one breakthrough at a time.

Follow me on Instagram for more tips on living authentically, embracing wellness, and transforming your mindset.